Well, I'd like to dive deeper into narrative-izing, social anxiety and JOURNEYS in this posting, as I had the privilege and the pleasure to attend a virtual meet-up last night hosted by the Portland Psychedelic Society called "Spectrum of Experience". This was my first foray in meeting up with other autistics in a social setting, and it was actually extremely rewarding.
I'm not a frequent "journey-er" by any stretch of the imagination, but I HAVE found that even marijuana (which is legal here in Oregon) has a profound affect on my ASD brain. Not only was it rewarding to almost effortlessly connect with other humans for once (which I've heard is a thing for those on the spectrum, newly out, are relieved to know that they can connect easier with other autistics than with neurotypicals) but it was so rewarding and invigorating to talk about how different substances affect an ASD mind.
While most of the hour-and-a-half long discussion revolved around autism, in the last twenty minutes or so, we dove into the medicinal use of psychedelics (especially plant medicine!) and the personal experiences of the attendees. We chatted about everything from diagnosis ("how did you know?") to masking ("how can you tell when you are? how do you stop?"), to compassion and narrativizing and most importantly, learning to change the narrative by accessing different parts of the ASD brain and forging new connections through the medicinal use of psychedelics.
I happened to be the only female autistic there, but it was really fun to compare and contrast my own experiences with the male-presenting autistics at the panel. And one of the moderators was also a woman, but she primarily works with autistics in journeying (and has a son on the spectrum). However, she was able to validate and support my sharings. The biggest difference I learned in the discussion is that autistic males are usually very "left-brain" dominant. Those who use psychedelics may profess that their journey involves sudden "right-brain" integrations such as sudden ties to empathy and emotion where they had previously been categorical and logical.
I tend to have the very opposite experience, as a woman who is extremely "right-brain" dominant. It is through the use of psychedelics that I start forging connections and categorizing based on logic, and am better able to gain perspective that is not rooted in subjective emotionality and excess empathy. There are definitely many women out there who present as the complete opposite, but it is only very recent that diagnosticians have realized that a lot of women autistics are extremely empathetic and emotional and dodge the blanket description of ASD that is "without empathy, overly logical, poor eye-contact, etc".
Even more interestingly, there was one man at the meet who is in the process of being diagnosed who identifies far more with the characteristics of women on the spectrum. I offered that as scientists and psychologists delve into this new discovery, it will be interesting to see how many more men and others across and beyond the gender binary are diagnosed with ASD who display tons of empathy and experience emotions vividly. I'm really excited by the implications of further research in that arena.
But perhaps the most important take-away in the discussion was about how psychedelics can be used therapeutically in helping autistics establish better self-acceptance and compassion. You see, because we on the spectrum often make many social blunders and can't understand why we're unable to connect socially to the same degree as neurotypicals, we tend to self-criticize A LOT. Over time, this can become very corrosive. Our sense of self gets poisoned, in a way, as we experience continual criticism from peers and authority figures, struggle with being misunderstood, or piss off colleagues and employers with our oddness. For those of us who receive a late diagnosis, some of the damage may be long-lingering.
However, used medicinally, psychedelics offer a bridge between neural-pathways in order to confront trauma, make connections between past experiences, and even build a home for self-compassion to exist for the individual. One attendee spoke of his journeys on psilocybin, in which a mothering "guide" type figure showed up for his journey, to offer acceptance and insight. One spoke about ayahuasca and the healing of ancestral trauma through that plant medicine. And there are so many scholarly articles about the healing power of psilocybin on PTSD already; imagine the effects it can have on those with ASD who have experienced MYRIAD subtle to extreme traumas in their lives without ever having the tools or social acceptance to voice these traumas.
Regardless, I'm really excited to start connecting to more autistic communities (including this one!) and discussing with others how we can change the narrative on the road to self-acceptance. This journey holds many mirroring aspects to the kind of acceptance I aim to encourage creatives on integrating into their lives through my coaching efforts. I'm really excited to take part in these upcoming discoveries of compassion and self-acceptance.
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